Roller Coaster Scene From Fear

The movie "Fear" is an interesting subject in its own right, but the rollercoaster scene certainly qualifies as one of its most memorable scenes.

I had forgotten about it until a friend referenced it last week.  

The scene is great for so many reasons, although none of those reasons include its original intent to be a special moment.  The scene's so cheesy that it's full of unintentional comedy.

Reese Witherspoon just can't let Mark Wahlberg get to third base anywhere, it has to be on a roller coaster soundtracked by a cover of the Rolling Stones song "Wild Horses"  to set the appropriate mood.

You know because it's naturally the perfect setting for this type of thing.  I imagine the writer being so proud of himself for coming up with this.

"No, no you don't understand.  It has to be on a roller coaster because it's a subtle metaphor for the sexual experience and her climax."

That's about as subtle as using this song to play in the background during it.

Although, there's two important things we can take from this scene.

First, if you let a guy do this to you on a roller coaster then there's a 50 percent chance he might be mentally unstable and become dangerously obsessed with you.

Second, it really makes you think about how dirty that roller coaster seat you're sitting on might be.  I doubt they clean those seats well, and a fair amount of people have seen "Fear."

Who's to say people weren't inspired to have their own moment on a roller coaster?

The scene's also great because it involves a young Witherspoon and Wahlberg in roles they'd like to forget. 

I'm sure they're both embarrassed by it since they're now legitmate actors, and probably cringe at the thought of it.

If they had their way, then this clip probably wouldn't exist.  But unfortunately for them, wild horses couldn't drag the internet away.

The Lost Art of TV Intros

Today's TV intros are so truncated that that there's almost no point to having them.  They don't really  introduce the cast, and the theme songs aren't memorable.

It's like the shows are saying just go to IMDB to look up who's on the show if you really care that much because we don't want to waste the time.

The opening of "Mad Men" may be an exception as many people would argue that's the most exciting part of the show (I wouldn't).

Most likely this is because shows need to squeeze in as much ad time and story into the half hour or hour, but it makes me long for old TV intros of the 80s and 90s.

There was a certain art to them as they tried to draw you into the world of the show.  Even though they could come off as cheesy, shows were at least making the effort.

A couple of key elements usually composed a good intro.  First was an effective theme song.

There were a lot of iconic theme songs because shows actually cared about having a good one.

Themes were made especially for shows with lyrics that described them.

For instance, the producers of "Cheers" became personally involved in the development of the show's theme and helped tweak it until they thought it sounded right.

The producers of "Friends" took it one step further and co-wrote its theme song "I'll Be There For You."

The best example of a great theme song has to be the "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air".  Not only does everybody know the song's lyrics, but it details the whole premise of the show in a little over a minute.

And you can't forget composers Jessie Frederick and Bennett Salvay who seemed to have the magic touch during the 80s and 90s as they wrote memorable themes for "Perfect Strangers," " Full House," "Family Matters," and "Step by Step."

The next element for a great intro was an elaborate opening sequence.  These usually featured special footage of the cast doing things just for the opening credits, actual clips from the show or footage of where the show takes place.

The opening sequence of "Friends" with the cast splashing in the water fountain and then sitting on a couch in front it will never make any sense.

But it's a prime example of a choreographed cast opening that helps distinguish a show.

My favorite openings have to be the ones where a member of the cast is "doing something" such as writing or playing basketball then looks at the camera and smiles as if to say, "oh I didn't see you there because I was too busy doing this."

Those were recognizable from the beginnings of "Full House," "Family Matters" and "Step by Step."  Not to mention "90210," which may have the best beginning as the whole cast shamelessly mugs for the camera.



Granted there's not really anything artistic about that, but it's funny.

It's comedy gold from Brian Austin Green's lame dancing, to Tori Spelling trying to have sex with the camera and failing miserably, and then James Eckhouse's psychotic look that dares you to find out what he'll do if you change the channel.

Granted there are still shows like "Parks and Recreation" and "How I Met Your Mother" that still do a little bit of an old school intro, but for the most part that style is dead.

I'm not looking for a complete throwback to some of the over the top show intros of the 80s and 90s just some creativity in current ones.  Especially on network TV.

There's a lot of bad TV shows out there so the least they can do is have somewhat entertaining and memorable opening credits.

Cold Pizza Equals Domestic Violence

At least that's what this 90s anti-abuse ad seems to indicate.  Clearly domestic abuse is not a laughing matter, but this over the top ad isn't helping people take it seriously.

It's difficult to get past the whole pizza issue.  Last time I checked, pizza wasn't the gateway drug to domestic violence.

What did pizza ever do to anybody?  Nobody would get that irrationally angry about pizza.  Even a guy who's lactose intolerant wouldn't get that angry.

I mean I saw some bizarre stuff go down at Papa Gino's back in the day, but nothing like this.

Yet, this isn't even the craziest domestic violence commercial ever made.  Let's just say that Canadians take it to a whole new level, and saying "sore-ree" won't help.  This clip contains some NSFW language:

James Bond Jr.

Everything about this 1991 cartoon show is awful.  The theme song is one of the worst things I've ever heard, and the whole concept lacks logic.

Why make a show based around Bond lore when the character can't womanize or kill people?  These are essential Bond activities.

Then there's the whole junior issue.  The character didn't have to be a junior because it just could have been a younger version of James Bond instead.

Even worse, James Bond Jr. isn't even James Bond son,  he's his nephew.  That makes no sense at all.  

I think this probably explains the creative process behind the show.  There's really no other explanation.

Big: Piano Scene

Playing the Piano
Big at MOVIECLIPS.com

One of the best scenes from the movie "Big" is this one.  If you can't enjoy it then you may in fact be dead inside.

I'm still waiting for my moment to shine on a giant piano.

When it does happen, I'm not going to waste my time playing songs like "Heart and Soul" and "Chopsticks."

Instead I'll play the "Beverly Hills Cop" theme "Axel F" with a cool old black guy who joins in and is surprisingly nimble.

Then it turns out that I helped him rediscover his passion for the piano.  Not that I'll put a lot of thought into this or anything.  

Signs of Recording Artists That Can't Dance

Elaborate dance routines are hard so there's no shame in some recording artists not being able to do them.

But some artists, especially pop stars can't leave it at that.  Pop stars usually compound the problem by trying to use smoke and mirrors to hide their lack of dance skills.

If anything, it only draws more attention to the situation.

Honestly, I don't know why this bothers me so much but it does.

It's an Abed from "Community" like concern.   Maybe it's because I don't like to be deceived, who knows?

Anyway, there's always a couple of tell tale signs in a music video when an artist can't dance.

First, there will be a lot of back up dancers to draw your attention away from the artist along with convenient close up shots of the back up dancers.

That's not enough though.  The real key is having the artist do a couple simple moves he or she learned to make it appear he or she is dancing well.

This is further complimented by making sure there's only quick cuts of the artist dancing before cutting away to another scene or back up dancers.

Sometimes if the artist is really bad then the wide or arial camera shot is used so there's not a focus on the artist's dancing but instead the group.

Of course the heyday for pop stars pretending they could dance was the late 90s and early 2000s.

Record labels were trying to keep up with Britney Spears so every teen girl recording artist had to be a dancing and singing Lolita.

This was unfortunate for Jessica Simpson and Mandy Moore because they got forced to go outside their skill set and had to awkwardly dance in their music videos.

Moore's dancing in the video "Candy" gets spliced with shots of a guy skateboarding to try to make it look better.  No wonder Moore hates the video and can't bare to watch it.

Well that and all the inappropriate sexually innuendo the song and video represents.

Simpson's "Irresistible" video has to be the ultimate example of a pop star who can't dance.  The dancing is so bad, it's uncomfortable to watch.  It's like watching a drunk girl dance at a party.

Instead of hiding Simpson's dancing skills,  the video showcases just how bad of a dancer she is.

There's more recent examples of pop stars feigning dance skill as well.  Take for instance Katy Perry who tries to dance in her video Hot n' Cold.

Sure she tries to play it off as a joke, but that's probably because she couldn't learn the dance moves.

Then there's the video for the song "Come Hit Me Up" from the movie "Happy Feet."  Clearly this  Gia Farrell person can't dance, but since the song is connected to the movie she has to.

The video employes all the tricks such as focus on back up dancers,  the artist doing a few simple dance moves, quick cuts, and wide shots to hide her lack of dance skills.

The real lesson in all of this is that artists should take Phil Collins's advice and accept when they can't dance.

You're the Man Now Dog

Sean Connery's classic line, "You're the man now dog" from the 2000 movie "Finding Forrester" never gets old.

It's just as funny as the first time I heard it.  Eleven years has done nothing to diminish it.

The YTMND website it inspired is still amusing even though it's basically the endless audio looping of that line.

Nobody inspires urban youth quite like Connery.  If only I had someone like Connery to tell me that I was indeed the man now dog,  life would be so much better.

I mean constantly telling yourself that in the mirror with a faux Connery impression is okay, but it's not the same.