Don Draper's Off His Game

The 4th season of "Mad Men" has been great as usual but there's something that's really troubling me: Don Draper.  For the first time ever, Draper's off his game with the ladies.

This can't be happening.  The sun is yellow, the sky is blue, and Don Draper never gets denied by women. Those are all facts.

The foundation of my world is starting to crumble.  If this was "Inception," my totem would be Draper always beds the woman, and now I'm seriously questioning reality since he isn't.

I don't know if I can really live in a world where Don Draper gets rejected by women.

This is the same guy who pulled off the Spanish Stare in a restaurant during the 60s.  I don't think anybody had even coined the term for it yet.

If I was real, there's a good chance
 I could have been your father 

Why am I getting so concerned about a fiction character?  Because Don Draper is more than a character, he's an icon.  The ultimate man's man.

It's painful to watch him get turned down by women he would've easily bedded before.  Like seeing a Hall of Fame athlete get shown up by average players because of diminishing skills.

Instead of the typical smooth Draper moves, he's reduced to being that creepy drunk guy that's like "come on, come on" until the woman reluctantly agrees to go with him for some reason.

He's struggled to get women like (spoiler alert if you're behind in season four) his secretary and a waitress.  Old Draper wouldn't even resort to this and if he did, he'd seduce them in his sleep.

Even worse, he's resorted to paying for sex.  I thought that was as likely as Draper paying for the air he breathes.

Obviously the whole divorce thing has thrown him off his game.  Before he had the comfort of knowing he was going home to his wife Betty who was always more attractive then the woman he was cheating with.

Now Draper lacks that confidence and the allure of being a married man.

All his mistresses secretly liked that Draper was cheating on his wife with them because it bothered them for like a minute before they moved on.

But Don Draper can turn this around, he has to.  He's just in a little slump.  All he has to do is look in the mirror and remember he's Don f'n Draper or just listen to this song.

The Douchebag App

 

Leave it to AMP Energy to come out with the douchiest Iphone application yet.  The London Telegraph reports that their AMP UP Before You Score app provides pick-up lines designed to help men plow (that's right I'm bringing it back) 24 different types of women including foreign exchange students, college girls, and punk girls.


Even better it encourages users to share the details of their sexual conquests with friends online.  The app description says, "Get lucky?  Add her to your Brag List.  You can record the name, date, and what ever details you remember," and adds "Keep your buddies in the loop on email, Facebook or Twitter."

Where to start?  Anybody who is drinking any kind of energy drink is probably that annoying douchebag / frat boy with spiked hair who everybody hates because he's always exaggerating his sexual exploits in graphic detail that nobody wants to hear.

Then take into account that AMP Energy is like the homeless man's energy drink since it's pretty much Mountain Dew in energy drink form.  The only thing thing possibly worse than AMP would be piss in a can aka Mellow Yello.

Chances are that anybody drinking AMP isn't getting any to begin with, but if this app helps them get some then they're in trouble.  A girl that falls for any of this crap will most likely be a walking cesspool of STDs.  

It's also very likely a girl is going to find the list on the phone.  Then she'll tell everybody she knows,  and you might as well call it the cock block list as everybody on every social media website will know how much of a manwhore you are.

The most convincing argument for not using the AMP app is the Don Draper one.  If anybody needs a brag list, it would be Don Draper from "Mad Men," but he doesn't use one.  I mean he even pulled off the Spanish Stare in a restaurant.  Draper knows it much better to keep one in his head because a physical list or evidence makes it easier to get caught for indescritions.

If it's not good enough for Draper for a ladies man to use, then it's not good enough for anyone.