US Soccer's New Hope: German Black Guy Movement

U.S. Men's Soccer is trying everything to elevate their program so they can realistically compete for a World Cup in the future.

They've hired former German star Jurgen Klinsmann as head coach and are over hauling their development but their most promising initiative may be entirely unintentional: African-American servicemen based in Germany.

These men may have single-handedly created the next generation of American soccer players.

They're seemingly getting German women pregnant at a rate comparable to NBA players.

Although I'm pretty sure this isn't their intention when they're trying to bed German women.  It's more like an unexpected benefit as they're serving their country in more ways than one.

A serviceman can theoretically tell the woman he got her pregnant that he did it for the good of U.S. Soccer, but that's probably not the best card to play in that situation.

It seems like there's an explosion of black German-born soccer players with American servicemen fathers who are eligible and want to play for the United States.  It's crazy.

These players include Jermaine Jones, Fabian Johnson, Timmy Chandler, and Danny Williams who all ply their trade in Germany.

It's almost the perfect plan because soccer people are always complaining that top U.S. athletes don't want to play soccer.

But in this case, the players come up through the vastly superior German system where they develop their technical skills and then the US reaps the benefit of the finished product.

In fact it's so good a system I wonder if US soccer is covertly behind it.  If so, they should expand the program to other countries.

It's entirely possible the U.S. could win the World Cup by just getting women pregnant in soccer rich countries.

Ian Darke: The Best Thing to Happen to American Soccer Coverage

You may not know who British play-by-play announcer Ian Darke is, but he has elevated American soccer coverage.

Since ESPN hired him to call the 2010 Fifa Men's World Cup,  he has brought enthusiasm to the game of soccer that had been missing in the United States.  

He continues to do this with his coverage of the 2011 Fifa Women's World Cup.

Darke's not pretending to be interested in soccer like some other play-by-men, he's genuinely excited about great soccer plays and it shows.

Nothing exhibits this more than Darke's call of Holland's Giovanni Van Bronchorst goal against Uruguay as "An Absolute Firecracker" in last year's World Cup (the video at the top of this post).

He's soccer's equivalent of  Gus Johnson, the energetic football and basketball play-by-play who's a fan favorite.

They both strike the perfect balance between embracing a fan's excitement, but not going over the top.

American soccer has been fortunate to have two of its greatest moments enhanced by Darke's dramatic calls.

Landon Donovan's goal to beat Algeria and send the U.S. to the second round of the 2010 Men's World Cup and Abby Wambach's miracle 122 minute goal to tie Brazil in the quarterfinals of this year's Women's World Cup were both called by him.

They're great plays on their own, but Darke really captures the elation of these moments.

With Darke signed to ESPN through the 2014 Fifa World Cup, I look forward to more exciting soccer coverage from him.

Receding Hairline Cornrows

They're a true tragedy and I don't know why people insist on getting them.

When your hair is receding, you're just better off admitting defeat instead of making things worse with cornrows.

If anything, the cornrows further expose how far the hair has receded,  and it's strange to see a lot of forehead then cornrows that start several inches back on the head than they should.

The most notorious offenders of this hairstyle are two athletes: Donovan McNabb and Jerry Rice.

It's not a coincidence that they both had the receding cornrows on the downslope of their careers.

In fact the beginning of Mcnabb's trend down began when he started wearing the hairstyle.

It's probably the real reason the Eagles benched him for Kevin Kolb and then traded him to the Redskins.  They were too embarrassed to have their starting quarterback look like that.

With Jerry Rice it was kind of different because he already should have retired instead of playing for the Raiders.  The receding cornrows look only reinforced that his time had passed, and he was a shadow of his former self.

His cornrows were bad.  Really bad.  He looked like Angela Bassett in "How Stella Got Her Groove Back."

How Jerry Rice did not get his groove back.

Seriously, Rice's cornrows were almost reason enough to deny him entry into the Football Hall of Fame despite his great accomplishments in the NFL.  It would have been pretty funny if they put the receding cornrow look on his bust though.

Sadly they did not do that

Let's hope that nobody including athletes ever wears receding cornrows again because the world will be a better place for it.

Where to Watch 2010 Fifa World Cup Online

One of the greatest sporting events in the world, the 2010 Fifa World Cup starts today.  It's been four long years, but it's finally back.

If you're not already excited, then maybe the Simpsons soccer clip above can get you pumped for it.

Of course the only problem is that most of the matches take place during work hours.  Don't worry though, you can still keep track of the games by watching them online.

The best option for viewing games is ESPN3.com as they will have almost every World Cup streaming match streaming.  Although if you're like me and your stupid cable company doesn't allow you taccess ESPN 3 then there's another option.

Univision is streaming every single World Cup match for free at UnivisionFutbol.com.  Sure it's only in Spanish, but listening to Spanish announcers might be a better experience because they make everything more exciting.

Holds it, Holds it, Holds it!!! Here's a good example.  My life would be a lot more exciting if a Spanish announcer was doing play by play.

Even the mundane stuff like brushing my teeth would seem cool, and then I could celebrate after everything I did.

Here's some more ways to follow the World Cup online from Mashable.

Get Your March Madness Fix

One of the greatest times of the year is upon us: March Madness.  The NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament is like a second Christmas for basketball fans or first for some I guess.

Over the last couple of years, it's become easier for fans to get their March Madness fix online as March Madness on Demand allows fans to watch tournament games online.  It's not so good for work productivity, but great if you don't want to miss any of the action.


This year a new website called NCAA Vault has added a sense of history to the March Madness online experience.  It features full games and highlights from every Sweet 16 game this decade.  Better yet you can sort by teams, players, and games.

There's even more specific categories such as dunks, great shots, great blocks, great plays, and great finishes which serve as helpful reminders of exceptional moments you may have forgotten.  If you're really ambitious you can search and navigate within full games for specific moments then create a link of that moment to a social media or blogs.

For instance I can link to Villanova's Scottie Reynolds hitting the shot that knocked Pittsburgh out last year.

Overall it's a pretty awesome website, and it's especially great if you want to rub an agonizing defeat in your friend's face by repeatedly linking to a clip of that defeat.

Boyz II Men Motownphilly and Lebron James

It's always a good time to watch Boyz II Men's video "Motownphilly."  Not only is it early 90s R&B in its heyday, but the video features the brightly colored sports coats and sweaters of the era as well.

It's clear that Lebron James must be a huge fan of this time period because he's single handedly attempting to bring that clothing style back.

Look at James at the 2009 NBA-All Star weekend in the picture below.  With that bright yellow sweater, I'm not sure if he's there for All-Star weekend or auditioning to be the new fourth member of Boyz II Men.  Hey, James has a deep enough voice to replace the bass guy who left the group. 

The new member of Boyz II Men

That's not the only way the video appears to have inspired James.  The pretend team pictures that James takes before games are quite similar to the group pictures taken in the Motownphilly video.

Does this mean the Cavaliers have joined Boyz II Men,

ABC, BBD in the east coast family?

Excuse me, while I run out to get bright orange/pink sports coat so I can be ahead of the curve if James succeeds in beginning back the early 90s.

Sports Cameramen Kind of Racist

This has never made sense to me.  When a minority athlete is playing a sport, why does the cameraman always find a fan of the same minority group to focus on?  It's kind of offensive/racist.

The sport that's guilty of this more than any other is baseball.  A prime example are the at-bats of New York Yankees player Hideki Matsui.    The camera always manages to find some person of Asian decent to focus in on.  Even if there's only one in the whole crowd.


Most of the time it isn't a fan holding a sign for Matsui, but just a regular person who happens to be Asian.  It's like "Hey, there's an Asian fan and he must really be rooting hard for Matsui because they're alike."

It's unfair to make an assumption like that.  Also,  I don't see a cameraman immediately cutting to a fat fan or someone eating a sandwich when a fat guy is at-bat.

Although I'm sure Derek Jeter probably instructs cameramen to film all the hot chicks in the ballpark during his at-bats so he can decide which one he wants to plow (that's right, I said I was bringing "plow" back) after the game.

Tim Tebow Over Hyped

For awhile I thought I hated University of Florida quarterback Tim Tebow until I realized something:  it's really the god like image of Tebow perpetuated by his fans and the media that I hate. 

The best comparison to Tebow fans and supporters would be Dave Matthews Band fans.  It's almost impossible to convince a DMB fan that every single song the band made isn't a piece of musical genius.  Their constant touting of the band makes you hate DMB by association even if you didn't hate DMB to begin with.

Tebow fans and the media do the same exact thing.  They want us all to believe that Tebow descended from heaven to grace us with his superhuman skills. 

Florida's coach Urban Meyer might promote this belief more than anyone else.  He does all he can to reinforce this image of Tebow as a cult figure.  Maybe he doesn't realize this, but just because his first name is Urban, doesn't mean he has the authority to crown religious figures like a pope.

It's funny because Tebow couldn't be more humble about his skills and accomplishments so it's not like he encourages this image of himself.     

There is no doubt that Tebow has had a successful college career so far.  He contributed as a part-time player to Florida's 2006 national championship his freshman year, and as the starting quarterback the next season , he became the first underclassman  to win the Heisman Trophy while scoring 55 touchdowns.  In his junior year, Tebow led the Gators to their second national championship in three years. 

Just calling Tebow a great quarterback is not enough for his backers.  Besides, they claim it's really his uncanny leadership and ability to will his team to victory that sets him apart.  If I took these people at their word, I'd probably believe that Tebow could end this recession or tensions in the Middle East through sheer power of will because once he puts his mind on something he's unstoppable. 

Let's not forget it's easier to will a team to victory when you're surrounded with a team as talented as the Florida Gators.  A soft out of conference schedule doesn't hurt either.  Tebow won't be the first or the last college quarterback to inspire a team to victory.

It's like the difference between a normal guy trying to date a supermodel and Derek Jeter trying to date a supermodel.  The normal guy probably wants it more, but it's much easier for Jeter because of his star status.

Tebow's worshipers also fail to acknowledge that despite his ability to run and pass, he possesses at best an average arm and running skills that aren't as rare as they believe.  Consciously or subconsciously,  people are giving Tebow more credit for his skills as a running quarterback because he's white.

How quickly they forget Tony Rice, the African-American quarterback of Notre Dame's undefeated national championship team in 1988. If anything, Rice was Tebow before Tebow as he was virtually unstoppable on the ground or through the air.

He even did something that Tebow hasn't done yet, which is lead his team to an undefeated season.  Other comparable quarterbacks to Tebow are former Nebraska option quarterback and 2001 Heisman Trophy winner Eric Crouch, and former West Virgina quarterback Pat White.

I'll never like or agree with people's belief that Tebow is god in a football uniform, but I can appreciate that he's a really good college football player that through no fault of his own has been over hyped.




  

Michael Vick needs Air Bud

With Michael Vick getting very close to being reinstated for regular season action, I think we still have to make sure that he's truly changed. That's why the Philadelphia Eagles need to sign star athlete/Golden Retriever Air Bud as a wide receiver. Now obviously there's no way in hell a dog could ever play football because it couldn't run routes, catch the ball and would probably try to bite anyone who tried to tackle it. But let's be as naive as the Disney movie "Air Bud: Golden Receiver," and somehow pretend that a dog can do all that.

Once Air Bud drops an easy pass or runs the wrong route, we would really see how rehabilitated Vick is. If Vick starts maliciously whipping balls at Air Bud, needs teammates to restrain him from physically harming Air Bud, or tells Air Bud that he knows how to deal with bad dogs then we'd know that Vick hasn't changed. Although, who really wouldn't be upset about having a dog as a wide receiver? So maybe that's not a good test after all.

T-Pain's Miami Dolphins Fight Song

I had no idea this existed until a friend informed me that T-Pain made a fight song for the Miami Dolphins.  It's a surprisingly catchy song considering it was made by T-Pain and involved Pitbull (I could go on about how much Pitbull and Reggaeton suck, but I think F minus sums those two things up best).  Then I discovered that I was giving T-Pain too much credit.



He only updated the original song that some guy named Lee Ofman wrote and composed before the Dolphins' historic 1972 season when they went undefeated on their way to a NFL championship.  I should have known T-Pain couldn't have written something this simple because clearly the first thing he would have done is mention the cheerleaders.  I mean this is a guy who says he fell in love with a stripper.

So in reality T-Pain did nothing more than add Auto-Tune to the original song, but now this all makes sense.  Of course, T-Pain was the person who had to update the song because he shares a common bond with the Dolphins.  Both of them used gimmicks to cultivate their success.  T-Pain employed Auto-Tune in his songs to become a star while the Dolphins used the Wildcat offensive to unexpectedly win the AFC East and make the playoffs last season.

I still think the best NFL fight song is the San Diego Chargers' disco themed "San Diego Super Chargers."  A close second is what should be Cleveland's unofficial fight song (There's a swear or two so maybe don't click this at work).

The Straight Asian Fastball

Pictured Hideo Nomo

"The Straight Asian fastball" is not a derogatory race thing, but instead a phenomenon associated with pitchers of Asian decent in Major League Baseball.  A lot of pitchers from Japan, Korea, China, and Taiwan struggle in MLB because they throw a fastball that lacks sufficient movement to get batters out.  It's the reason pitchers like Tomo Ohka and Sun-Woo Kim never lived up to their billings as prospects. I don't care how fast a pitcher throws, if the ball travels straight as an arrow then a Major League hitter will hammer it.



This type of fastball is not exclusive to just Asian pitchers as white pitchers such as former Blue Jays closer Billy Koch and Red Sox starter  Clay Buchholz possess fastballs like this.  In fact, Koch was a dominating closer for a year or two before hitters adjusted to the speed of his 100 mph fastball, and with little movement on the pitch, batters crushed it.

For some reason, the two seam fastball and cutter don't seem to be pitches that are routinely taught in Asian countries as they are in other ones.  These two pitches possess side to side movement that makes them very effective in the Major Leagues, which is why some of the best pitchers use them.  Without these pitches, Asian pitchers are immediately at a disadvantage because they only have the four seam fastball, and possibly because they practice and work so hard at perfecting pitching, it goes exactly where it looks like it will go.

It's like trying to watch "The Real World" after so many seasons.  You know what is going to happen each season: there will be a gay roommate, lots of alcohol, idiotic drunk behavior, a house hook up gone wrong, and of course racial tensions.

Japanese pitchers will commonly throw a fork ball to counteract the fastball, but if the hitter recognizes the fork ball and lays off the pitch then he can sit on the fastball.  Think about the most successful Asian pitchers in MLB and you'll realize most of them come out the bullpen.  That's because they see less batters and are more likely to get away with mistakes.

Former Mariners reliever Shigetoshi Hasegawa, former Mariners closer Kazuhiro Sasaki, and former Dodgers closer and current Red Sox reliever Takashi Saito represent some of the most successful Japanese pitchers in MLB.

It's comparable to the teen celebrity effect.  At first teen celebrities have all this fan fare and seem so great, but after while we discover that they have flaws.  Then we get so saturated with media coverage of them that by their 20s they aren't considered special or interesting anymore.

Converesely few Asian starting pitchers have enjoyed success.  Even if they do in the beginning, it's fleeting as they struggle after a few seasons.  Hideo Nomo's intial star burned out as batters figured out his deceptive wind up, and Yankees starter Chien-Ming Wang succeeded because of the great movement on his sinker ball, but he's pitched poorly since he lost the feel for it.  Even Dice-K who throws a two seam fastball gets hammered due to his lack of command for it.

Next time your team has a highly touted pitching prospect don't get too excited until you find out if he has the Straight Asian fastball or not.

Favre's Back Again

Brett Favre decided to unretire for what seems like the 50th time. Here's a list of things that seem comparable to Favre or remind me of him:

1. Herpes - every time you think he's gone, he comes back.

2. Zombies - At this point, it wouldn't be all that surprising if a 100 years from now a zombie version of Brett Favre rose up out of the ground because he got the desire to come back again.

3. "The Simpsons" - Like Favre the show was iconic through the 90s, but in its later years has suffered a drop off .

4. T-1000 Terminator - No matter how many times you think you're gotten away from him, he reappears ready for action. Kind of like the constant Favre media coverage or his promises of being 99 percent sure he's done with football.

5. Kimberly from Melrose Place - That woman would not die, and like Favre she brings tons of drama to the party . She was suppose to be dead at least two times. Every time you thought she was dead, she came back for more. Sounds kind of familiar doesn't it.

6. Madonna - The female version of Favre. Well past her prime physically, but wants us to believe she still has it.

7. Yo-yo - Constantly goes back and forth, does a few neat tricks, is a little beat up and not nearly as good as it was when you were a kid

8. Old Yeller - I'm not saying that Favre has rabies, but I'm pretty sure Green Bay fans think he's gone crazy and believe their once lovable player needs to be put down.

9. Madden Video Game - Favre was almost unstoppable in the game because Madden loved him so much. I'm not sure if he understands that unlike the video game he won't automatically be rated a 99 just for coming back. Also, I remember one of my friends using Favre in Madden and getting so mad that he couldn't get Favre to the line quick enough for a last play that he flipped his bed in anger.

10. Dial up Modem - Like Favre it was popular in the 90s and was once considered cutting edge. Now they're both old, slow, and still used in the Midwest.

SportsCenter LA is too LA

You're probably wondering what a picture of Ashton Kutcher has to do with "SportsCenter." He signifies what's wrong with "SportsCenter LA." The show gets too caught up in its LA location. Do I really need or want to hear a SportsCenter anchor and Ashton Kutcher awkwardly talk sports so he can promote some shitty new movie that has nothing to do with sports? I was under the impression that I didn't, but that was before "SportsCenter" suddenly became "Entertainment Tonight." Maybe Kutcher used the butterfly effect to create a reality where "SportsCenter" sucked and he could be on it. Being in LA is not some excuse for the show to parade out as many celebrities as possible at the expense of actual sports coverage. If the ESPYs have taught us anything, it's that ESPN's combination of celebrities and sports culminates in two hours of unwatchable television each year. It's awfulness will only be surpassed by the eventually broadcast premiere of "Julie and Julia" in two years.

Almost as bad is the whoring out of the show into some type of music video with featured music set to sports highlights. When I see NFL highlights, I don't want it associated with some stupid Daughtry song. One is awesome and the other is pretty much the next Creed with songs that all sound the same. SportsCenter LA is like that douchebag friend that moves to LA only to become more a douchebag because he gets extremely enamored with culture, and believes that living there somehow makes him better than you.

US Soccer playing Mexico at 4 est/1 pst

If you have any interest in soccer, don't forget that the US Men's team is playing Mexico in a World Cup qualifer at Mexico's infamous Estadio Azteca at 4 est/1 pst. The US have never won at the Azteca as they are 0-22-1 in 23 games there. It's difficult for any visiting team to salvage a victory because of the unique combination of the alttiude, large crowd and smog filled air that the stadium presents.

The game is being broadcast on Telemundo so prepare yourself for some "Goooooooooooaaaaaaaal" and "No, Nanononono" calls when a goal is scored.

Mascot Gave Him What's For

Apparently mascots in Australia don't mess around. A rugby mascot took care of a fan that jumped out of the stands and attacked him. It's safe to say that mascots there aren't like US mascots that usually consist of some flamboyant guy doing gymnastics. That eagle could definitely take down the Notre Dame one in a fight.