Jumat, 30 September 2011
US Soccer's New Hope: German Black Guy Movement
U.S. Men's Soccer is trying everything to elevate their program so they can realistically compete for a World Cup in the future.
They've hired former German star Jurgen Klinsmann as head coach and are over hauling their development but their most promising initiative may be entirely unintentional: African-American servicemen based in Germany.
These men may have single-handedly created the next generation of American soccer players.
They're seemingly getting German women pregnant at a rate comparable to NBA players.
Although I'm pretty sure this isn't their intention when they're trying to bed German women. It's more like an unexpected benefit as they're serving their country in more ways than one.
A serviceman can theoretically tell the woman he got her pregnant that he did it for the good of U.S. Soccer, but that's probably not the best card to play in that situation.
It seems like there's an explosion of black German-born soccer players with American servicemen fathers who are eligible and want to play for the United States. It's crazy.
These players include Jermaine Jones, Fabian Johnson, Timmy Chandler, and Danny Williams who all ply their trade in Germany.
It's almost the perfect plan because soccer people are always complaining that top U.S. athletes don't want to play soccer.
But in this case, the players come up through the vastly superior German system where they develop their technical skills and then the US reaps the benefit of the finished product.
In fact it's so good a system I wonder if US soccer is covertly behind it. If so, they should expand the program to other countries.
It's entirely possible the U.S. could win the World Cup by just getting women pregnant in soccer rich countries.
Jumat, 23 September 2011
Sesame Street Glee Parody "G"
Another great Sesame Street parody as this time they do "Glee." Except they call it "G" because it's centered around learning the letter "G."
They really nail it with characters Mr. Gooschuester, their version of Mr. Schuester, the Rachel Berry Muppet and the Sue Muppet.
But I especially like the last time on "G" beginning where they mention that the G club got a goat to play guitar and the goose gobbling because it's just as ridiculous than some of the stuff that actually happens on "Glee."
In fact I'm not sure a goat hasn't done that on the show.
It's also great when they poke fun at "Glee" for its elaborate performances even though the club is supposed to be poor with Mr. Gooschuester saying, "good thing we have a big budget."
Once again this proves that everything in life is better with Muppets.
"Saturday Night Live' better watch its back because "Sesame Street" is consistently making funnier parodies.
Here's some other "Sesame Street" parodies: Mad Men and Old Spice
Jumat, 16 September 2011
Sydney gets hit by car on Melrose Place
Sydney getting hit by a car is one of the greatest TV moments even if you've never seen "Melrose Place" before (skip ahead to 50 sec for the good part).
Think about it. How many times do you really get to see someone in a wedding dress get hit by a car on TV?
It's the perfect storm of a ridiculous scene with special effects that are laughably bad and tons of poor acting to go with it.
The quick cut from Sydney's face before getting hit makes it quite obvious that they used a rag doll and then dressed up a stunt guy in a wedding dress to roll on the ground.
The wedding photographer had two lines and couldn't even say them like he wasn't reading off a script. Especially the lackluster "look out" line.
Then there's the guy unnecessarily yelling in the background about trying to get the car door open who's trying to make this his moment to shine.
Not to be upstaged, the groom pulls out every trick in his dramatic acting playbook before he has to yell "She's dead" to eliminate any doubts that Sydney might be alive.
Jumat, 09 September 2011
WhoNu Chocolate Sandwich Cookies, an Oreo Rip Off
WhoNu chocolate sandwich cookies are yet another feeble attempt to make imitation Oreo cookies.
A lot of people think of the Hydrox cookie as a common knock off of the Oreo cookie like WhoNu, but the Hydrox cookie actually came before the Oreo.
When will people learn there can only be one Oreo cookie and nobody wants an inferior version?
It's like asking your Mom to get Fruit Loops and having her get generic store brand Fruit-O's instead. No, it's not the same basic cereal.
This one has a weird aftertaste and instead of Toucan Sam on the box it's a strange looking Toucan that's so irregular it could be sold at Marshalls and probably has bird flu.
WhoNu even attempts to emulate the signature design pattern of the Oreo cookie. Much like the Hydrox cookie design, it pales in comparison to the Oreo one.
The weak design is yet another indication of WhoNu's inferior quality.
Of course, the Oreo design can never be beaten because apparently it's so intricate it's like the "Da Vinci Code" conspiracy of cookie designs. See what I mean here.
Yeah, I don't think anybody is eating chocolate cookies for their nutritional value. If they are, then they have issues.
If anything, it will just trick people into thinking that eating a bunch of cookies is fine because it has benefits.
Knowing that you have a sufficient amount of vitamin A isn't going to make you feel better when you have diabetes. Instead you'll just be like this guy with diabetes.
Jumat, 02 September 2011
Ain't No Thing but an Offensive T-Shirt
I can't believe that someone would actually sell this t-shirt nevermind wear it. It "ain't no thang" but a minstrel show on that t-shirt.
The type of person who made/owns this t-shirt must use the phase "I'm not racist but..." a lot, and we've already seen how well that works out.
Of course that means their justification for wearing it would probably be "I'm not racist but I really like this t-shirt."
Jumat, 19 Agustus 2011
Carl Jr's Robot Commercial
This Carl's Jr commercial is great. It really affects me more than it should. That robot is so ready to eat that chicken sandwich then it can't.
I mean that's tragedy. Probably the first time the robot realizes it's not a human, and it's so depressed at the end.
You can't help feel bad for the robot. The 30-second commercial is as surprisingly sad as the movie "Jack."
You go in expecting a light and stupid Robin Williams comedy because nothing else is on TV then it gets all serious and sad out of nowhere.
I'm a little concerned that I feel worse for that robot in commercial than I do for some people in real life, but that robot is also better than some people .
Jumat, 05 Agustus 2011
Mr. Saxobeat
If you still doubted that the sax is really back, then "Mr. Saxobeat" proves it.
I randomly heard this song by Romanian pop star Alexandra Stan and couldn't believe it was real.
She actually made a song about how much she loves the saxophone and/or a saxophone player.
Naturally because it's about the saxophone it has to be sexual. Sorry, those are just the rules.
Since "Mr. Saxobeat" is a Romanian song, it's completely possible that the 80s saxophone craze just reached Romania.
But it's not just a Romanian thing as it's popular in Europe, Canada, Latin America and is even in the U.S. Billboard Hot 100.
The best part of it has to be the video though. It's further proof that almost everything on TV in Europe is either porn or very close to it.
Its plot of three femme fatals getting arrested then using their charm to escape is straight out of a porn.
For a second, I was worried that I was unknowingly watching one until I remembered it was youtube.
The women seem to spend a lot more time dancing in an alley in police uniforms than escaping.
When they finally do, nobody happens to notice that the women dressed like strippers pretending to be cops aren't real cops.
And for all this talk about "Mr. Saxobeat," there's not even a saxophone or saxophone player in the video.
Although, I think deep down we all know who her "Mr. Saxobeat" is. She's not fooling anybody.
There's only one guy who could inspire her like that: Sergey Stepanov aka Epic Sax Guy.
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