Things Real People Don't Say About Advertising

Things Real People Don't Say About Advertising is a pretty entertaining tumblir page that's worth looking at.

It's fairly simple as it takes amusing pictures and adds text ad people or simple-minded people would say about advertising campaigns.

The sad part is that some of these ploys actually work on people, but I really hope advertising people get this excited about strategy.

Girl falls into Fountain While Texting at the Mall

This video is a few days old but it's still funny.  It's incredible that she could be so unaware of a water fountain yet she is.

I've secretly hoped this would happen to many people I've seen at the mall.  In fact I'm disappointed I couldn't witness this live.  

Now, I need to see someone video chatting and falling into a fountain to rise the stakes.

I really don't know if you can come back from mall security laughing at you though.  That's pretty serious humiliation.

What's the Difference Between a Bomb Pop, Rocket Pop, and Firecracker?

I''ve often wondered about this, but it's hard to come across a valid explanation.  They all seem like the same red, white, and blue popsicle.

I assumed that Bomb Pop, Rocket Pop, and Firecracker were just different ways of describing the same product.

Like a regional thing where maybe the East Coast calls it a Bomb Pop, but on the West Coast it's a Rocket Pop.

This isn't the case though.  They are technically not interchangable, but rather three similar yet distinct products.

Bomb Pops are the original trademarked brand of tri-colored popsicles made by a company called Blue Bunny.

Nestle's Rocket Pops and Popsicle's Firecrackers are knock-offs of the Bomb Pop.

Think of it like the Law and Order TV series: where Bomb is the original,  Rocket is an on par variation such as SVU, and Firecracker is Law and Order LA which everybody knows is a poor imitation of the original.

Sticking with that analogy, the crimes would have to be:  someone killing you for your Bomb Pop, sexually assaulting you with your Rocket Pop and having Alfred Molina partner with the Firecracker to solve an LA crime in a desperate attempted to make you watch an inferior show.

I know that I'd rather have a Bomb or Rocket Pop instead of a Firecracker.  All these popsicles for some reason are named after things that explode, but Firecrackers take it too far.

They feature a variety with an exploding candy tip.  This has to be someone's idea of a sick joke because  generally only porn stars like to have things explode in their mouth.

Srsly Sorry

Don't worry, I haven't turned into a texting teenager that doesn't know how to spell correctly.

I was going to apologize for my lack of posting over the last couple of weeks, but then I found "Srsly Sorry" which is funnier than anything I could of said.

This might be my new favorite website because it features random and crazy confessions or apologizes from people for the bad things they've done.

It's pretty addicting.  I wouldn't post my misdeeds on a website, but I'll sure as hell enjoy reading others do it.

There are some really good ones such as this:

Dear Roommates Friend,

I stole your “Street-Sharks” watch after making fun of you for it. Street Sharks were f*#%ing cool.

- anonymousor this:

Dear Chris and Kathy, two Christmases ago,

I didn’t realize the eggnog was of the “adult” variety when I gave your four year old a glass. We thought he was just acting silly, but then he puked up rum and nog vomit all over the couch, and I realized what I had done. Srsly sorry I never fessed up, but, at least he was really entertaining. Drunken children are always funny.

- Hank

You have to give Hank some credit for apologizing, and he makes a valid point about drunk children.  Those are just two of many good ones.

Sure "Srsly Sorry" is kind of like PostSecret, but it's not as self loathing or full of depressing people so it's more entertaining.

The site confirms what we already know: people do some messed up things, and as long as they don't happen to you then it's funny.

Ads That Would Never Be Allowed Today

Courtesy of OWNI.eu,  48 ads that are so ridiculous it's hard to believe they were actually used.  I don't think we'll be seeing these on "Mad Men" anytime soon.

Trust me, you really need to see these.  They might be offensive if they weren't so absurd.

Apparently the key to defeating Germany in World War II was the ability to heed warnings like this and stay away from venereal disease.

And women better not messed your postage because Pitney-Bowes stresses dire consequences if they do.

Being an advertising man must have been easy back then.  No subtext, just slap some blatant sexism or racism on a campaign and you're done.

The Worst Muppet: Janice

I've made my love of Muppets clear through multiple posts on this blog such as this, this, and this.  It's a fact that Muppets are awesome.

If I can find a reason to mention Muppets then I'm going to do it.  And yes, Sesame Street characters are Muppets.  Don't be a smart ass.

That's why it's hard to believe that I could actually hate a Muppet.  It's against my nature.

Although it's not just any Muppet I hate, it's the worst Muppet ever created: Janice.

You may recognize her as the lead guitar player in Electric Mayhem band on "The Muppet Show."

I mean have you seen her.  Those freaky giant eyelashes and lips, over tanned skin, ratty blond hair, and general whorish appearance.

She's a disgrace to Muppets everywhere and her mere existence sullies the Muppets' good name.  It only makes sense that she was created in 1975 because people were obviously too drugged out to realize what a horrible Muppet she was.

Just look at the people she compares to in human form.  They're scary looking people: New York and Donatella Versace.

I know I'm not the only person that feels this way either.    All I had to say to my friend last weekend was, "You know who's the worst Muppet?" then he immediately described Janice.

Unbelievably, there are people who actually like Janice.  Instead of being angry, I just feel sorry for them because they love such a bad Muppet.

In fact it would be pretty hard to be friends with someone who liked Janice.  I'd immediately question their judgement.

Wow, I've devoted a lot of words to the hatred of something that's not even real.  It probably shouldn't matter this much to me, but it does.

I must be pretty obsessed with Muppets.  There might be an intervention in my future.

I'm just saying if I had a time machine, the first thing I'd do is go back and make sure Janice the Muppet was never created.  Priorities people, priorities.

I'd like to hear other people's opinion though.  Do you agree or disagree about Janice?  Is there actually a worse Muppet than Janice? Are there other bad Muppets?

Cheryl Cole Coming to America - Update

I've already mentioned here and here the greatness of Cheryl Cole and why she needs to come to America.

Well, now it's practically official that she's coming as a judge on Simon Cowell's US version of "X Factor."  At least according to this article.

It's about time.  Even a bout with malaria earlier this year couldn't stop her.  How many other pop stars have beaten malaria?

Cole's reason enough to at least check out "X Factor."  Although, there's concern that she won't translate to American audiences because middle America may not be able to comprehend her accent.

Don't you even think of messing this up middle America or we're going to have a problem.

It's not that difficult to understand a British accent, and it's certainly a lot easier than listening to Sarah Palin speak.

Should we really be trusting the opinion of people who still use dial-up modems and enjoy the same repetitive CBS crime dramas?  Yeah, probably not.