Hope Springs Eternal for Hoverboard

HOVERBOARD - NILS GUADAGNIN from nils guadagnin on Vimeo.

After this week's horrible revelation about the hoverboard conspiracy, my dreams had been dashed. But now there's new hope for a hoverboard.

According to Gizmodo, a French artist Nils Guadagnin has created a real working model of a hoverboard.  There's only one problem though, you can't actually stand on it.  But Guadagnin is still my hero for doing this.

He's like the Luke Skywalker of hoverboard development.  If an artist can make a working hoverboard then someone else can definitely make a working one.

Eagle Eye

I would have had something better to post today, but I wasted two hours of my life watching "Eagle Eye" last night.   I really should have known better but I didn't.

The presence of Shia Lebeouf probably should have tipped me off that it would suck.  Including "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," he has stolen at least four hours of my life I can never get back.



Trust me, this movie is worse than you could ever imagine.  It involves a government super intelligence gathering computer named Eagle Eye that goes rogue and has decided to eliminate the whole executive branch.

Oh yeah, it's as stupid as that last sentence sounds.  Obviously,  nothing spells excitement like a stationary evil super computer as your villain.

Apparently nobody thought of a way to shut down this machine, so it takes two boring hours to determine that all you have to do is smash it with a metal rod.

Paint drying is more exciting than this movie.  And the computer conjures up some super-complicated assassination plot involving a children's band, a trumpet, The State of the Union Address and some crystal explosive when it could have just launched a missile and killed everyone.

Now only if I had the Prince of Persia's Dagger of Time to prevent myself from ever watching "Eagle Eye," but judging by the look of Jake Glyenhall, steroids are the only thing in that dagger.

Hoverboard Conspiracy

I'm glad someone one finally tackled the pressing issue of the hoverboards.  Apparently it wasn't all our imagination that hoverboards were real,  Robert Zemeckis intentionally deceived us into thinking they were.

It's all explained in Josh Cooley's humorous blog about it.  The guy is like the Woodward and Bernstein of hoverboards, although this is way more important than Watergate.

I'd say Zemeckis needs to be punished, but isn't being associated with the movie "Beowulf" really punishment enough.

Songs I Currently Hate

My life would be much better if I never heard any of these songs again.  In no particular order because they all suck equally:

Anything by Ke$ha 
I've already stated my dislike of her or anything associate with her, here.


Jason Derulo "In My Head"
Is there any reason he always has to sing his name to start songs.  If this song was stuck in my head  then death would be an appealing option.  Amazingly managed to make a song worse than "Whatcha Say."


Trey Songz  "Say Aah" 
Say aah this song sucks.  And what makes him think that anybody wants to listen to a song that starts with him telling some dude not to move his car.


Usher  featuring will. i. am "OMG" 
I don't get why it sounds like there's a stadium full of people behind them.  Unless this song is secretly suppose to be a Jock Jam.


B.O.B featuring Bruno Mars "Nothin on You"
Every five minutes this stupid song is on.  It's equivalent to the ramblings of a crazy homeless man in Washington D.C. except the homeless man sounds better.

An Algorithm That Detects Sarcasm, Yeah Right.

According to the London Telegraph, Israeli researchers have developed a computer algorithm that can pick up sarcasm.  Like that's even possible.  Sure they did.  And I just walked on the Moon.

Timbaland and Magoo: Where is Magoo?

Seriously,  what the hell happened to Magoo?  Magoo being one half of the rap duo, Timbaland and Magoo  It's like Magoo dropped off the map after 2003.

I can't say that I enjoyed Magoo's annoying and whiney rap style, but it's still kind of strange that he just disappeared.  Does Timbaland have him locked up in his basement or something?  

Maybe he realized that Magoo's annoying whiney raps were holding him back.  Where's Robert Stack when you need him?  This is an unsolved mystery.  Oh wait, I think he's dead.

But we still need "Unsolved Mysteries" to show us a creepy reenactment of what might have happened to Magoo.  Then maybe we could find him.

Here's a video of Timbaland and Magoo in action.

Maybe the most likely scenario is that much like Tweet, it was like oops there goes Magoo's career.

Anthony Cooper is John McCain

Has anybody else noticed that the "Lost" character Anthony Cooper looks a lot like John McCain?  The resemblance is uncanny.

This begs all kind of important questions.  For instance, are we all just living in a sideways world where   McCain is the sideways version of Cooper?

Maybe this is why people didn't want to elect McCain president.

Cooper

McCain
It's like looking in a sideways mirror.

Con man, politician it's pretty much the same thing.  And if this is really the case, then I'd watch my back if I was one of McCain's sons because we've all seen what  Cooper did to his son, Locke.

The other possibility is that Cooper is McCain's doppleganger.  Either that or I just think that all old white guys with grey hair look alike.

Ecto-Cooler

Ecto-Cooler was one of the greatest cross promotions ever.  In 1987,  Hi-C agreed to promote "The Real Ghostbusters" cartoon series by developing a flavor based on it.

I don't even know if I really liked Ecto-Cooler, but I drank it because it was associated with Ghostbusters and had Slimer on the front.  It only tasted good when it was really cold, which probably says something about the taste.



When Ecto-Cooler was warm or at room temperature it was straight up disgusting.  I swear it could have been warm piss in that box because that's what it tasted like.

Ecto-Cooler existed until 2001 then it was renamed Shoutin' Orange Tangergreen.

Yeah, I wouldn't drink anything with that name because it just sounds like a fancy name for the cheap orange drink served at  elementary school functions mixed with green dye.

It underwent another name change to Crazy Citrus Cooler in 2006, but the drink was discontinued for good in 2007.  At least they were smart enough not to use K's instead C's.

Although something tells me, black people still might have had some trepidation about drinking it.

You Shit On My House

This scene from "Can't Buy Me Love" is classic.  No matter how times you watch it,  it never gets old.

But a little background is needed to fully enjoy the scene.  When Ronald Miller (Patrick Dempsey) became popular,  one might say he "shit on" his friends.  Especially on his best friend Kenneth because he helped the jocks throw dog shit at Kenneth's house on Halloween.

Now that Ronald is uncool again,  he's trying to apologize to him.  To be fair,  I think I'd get as mad as Kenneth if someone messed up my 1980s motorcycle arcade game.

And sometimes I just like to walk around and randomly yell "you shit on my house" at people I don't know because it's fun.

Can't Buy Me Love Shows That You Can Really Buy Love

The 80's teen film  "Can't Buy Me Love" only proves that you can buy love.

For those unfamiliar, it features a young Patrick Dempsey as nerd Ronald Miller who seeks to improve his social standing by bribing the most popular girl in school, Cindy Mancini to pretend to go out with him for a month.

Ronald's plan works to perfection.  He not only becomes cool, but Cindy who he's had a crush on for years, begins to fall him.    Although,  Ronald becomes so enamored with his new social standing that he alienates Cindy and his uncool friends.

Eventually Cindy tells everybody about the deal and Ronald loses everything.  Realizing his wrongs, Ronald wins Cindy back with 80s persistence or as it's known now: stalking.

So in essence, Ronald really did buy love.  If he doesn't bribe Cindy, there's no way in hell that she ever gives him the time day.  He'd still be watching scrambled 80s porn in his bedroom.

Cindy only started to like Ronald because she was obligated to spend time with him.  Time which he paid for, and that ultimately allows him to win her back in the end.

You can't really blame Ronald for buying love because it was the 80s and you could buy anything with money.  Charlie Sheen wasn't buying escorts, he was buying several chances at love.

I swear Richard Gere in "Pretty Woman" must be the grown-up version of Ronald because he actually takes it to another level with buying a prostitute and falling in love with her.

Tell me again, how that's suppose to be romantic.  It's illegal in almost every state and he's paying a prostitute to stick around.  Although, it makes a great story to tell your children how you met.

So if the 80s and early 90s have taught me anything,  you can buy love.  Especially if the woman is desperate for money.

OK Go Parody "Mousetrap Never Works"

This video parodies OK Go's super complicated "This Too Shall Pass Video" by highlighting the game Mousetrap and it's inability to work correctly.

The parody makes sense because you need the same team of technical experts from OK Go's video to make Mousetrap actually work.

Just thinking about all time I wasted trying to get that stupid game to work is making me angry again.

Mousetrap wasn't a game, it was a cruel psychological experiment to see how much frustration a kid could take before he or she lost it.