The Hunger Games is a Ripoff of The Condemned

I bet you haven't heard that one yet.  Probably thought I was going to say "Battle Royale" like everybody else.

But obviously, "The Hunger Games" is inspired by the 2007 classic "The Condemned."

The movie features Stone Cold Steve Austin as a prisoner awaiting the death penalty in a corrupt Central American country until he's purchased by a wealthy reality TV producer  and forced to participate in a televised fight to the death against nine other convicted killers for a chance at freedom.

Spoiler alert,  Austin wins.  I know it seems so improbable now, but he does.

Clearly the author of "The Hunger Games," Suzanne Collins ignored the film's 13% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and viewed this film.

Then she realized it was such a masterpiece that she had to write a young adult version of "The Condemned."  It's the most logical explanation.

Let's face it, Katniss Everdeen is really just the female version of Austin's character.

I'm not sure Jennifer Lawrence can compete with the performance of Austin though.  Anybody who thought he couldn't carry a movie was dead wrong.  Sure Austin can, just not a good movie.

He really shines in the last 10 to 15 minutes of the movie where inexplicably there's not a a single word of dialogue.  I guess there's only so many witty quips you can fit in a 113 minute movie.

Hey wait a minute,  I think "The Artist" must have ripped off "The Condemned" too.

This Charming Man 8-bit Version

It should be a fact by now that making things 8-bit is awesome.

That's why it's not surprising an 8-bit cover of the Smith's "This Charming Man" combined with sound effects from "Super Mario Bros." called "Super Morrissey Bros." is so enjoyable.

Although if anybody's indie, I think it's Luigi not Mario.  Luigi just always had to do his fancy leg-kicking jumps in "Super Mario Bros. 2" and make me fall off the platform.

March Madness 2012: Pop Culture Thoughts

It's been a day and a half of the March Madness 2012 and here's what I've learned so far:

1. The longest anybody has ever driven for Doritos flavored diarrhea is 965 miles

Taco Bell wants to make sure we don't forget this by playing their new Doritos Locos Tacos commercial on a loop.  

It's convenient that they don't mention the trip back home where everybody immediately regrets eating that taco, curses this Nat Christiana guy, and realizes it's 965 miles until they get home.  

2.  TruTV

In March, everybody realizes that this station actually exists and scrambles to find it on their channel guide.  Despite being irrelevant the other 11 months of the year, it masquerades as the new sports leader.  You know, in between commercials for their usual high-brow programming such as "Lick Lizard Towing" and "Pawn Stars." 

3. Woman from At&t speed dating commercial looks like an android

That woman really creeps me out because she definitely looks artificial and acts like a robot.  Notice the crazy terminator like way she smiles and how she talks with limited emotion.  That's a Cylon if I've ever seen one.

4.  Now's the time to shill your gimmick food or beverage

Be it Taco Bell's Doritos taco or Mcdonald's Shamrock Shake.   There's definitely someone out there who's eating a Doritos Locos Taco with a Shamrock Shake right now.  What a combination!

5. All this talk of Shaka Smart and the Wichita St. Shockers reminded me of the rapper Silkk The Shocker 

No, that's not a mistake.  He actually spelled his named with the extra "k."  You might remember him from the song "It Ain't My Fault" with Mystikal.  Actually let's just go back to pretending he doesn't exist, I think it's better that way.

Clarissa and the Straightjackets - This is What NaNa Means

Clarissa can't explain this album.  In 1994, someone got the bright idea that Clarissa from "Clarissa Explains It All"  should have her own band named the Straightjackets and release a seven track album.

Not just any album though, one centered around Clarissa's horrible interpretation of 90s rock.

I should have stopped listened after the first track, although I'm ashamed to admit that I actually listened to all 35 minutes and 26 seconds of this CD.

It's like a car crash because it was so bad, but I couldn't turn away.

The tracks include a rocked out version of the show's theme song and a song meant to cheer up her friend Heather who's down because her parents are fighting all the time.

I wonder if this was what Heather's parents were fighting about.

Clarissa also has an affinity for name checking Pearl Jam as a comparison to her band.  She does it at least twice.  Sorry, Pearl Jam fans.

The worst part is that they convinced Melissa Joan Hart (Clarissa) that she could actually sing when she couldn't.  That's just a mean thing to do.

Hart sounds like the template for every contestant on "American Idol" or "The Voice" who thinks they're good but really aren't.

Like the rest of us, she must cringe every time she hears this album.